Sunday, July 29, 2012

Through the Rising Sun

Life is always hard, the older you get the harder it is. Not easier. The problems you face now will not be the same ones a week from now, but different trials. At the same time, life is always a journey and it needs to be enjoyed.

The last year or so I have been taking the enjoyable parts for granted and singling out the negative. I regret that, all of it. But that is what makes life great. The chance to start a new beginning, everyday. Just as the sun rises, I rise to a new day, a new me. I just hope that I can make a better day than I have in the past.

One of the two biggest regrets I have right now is not trying to put myself out there in the world because now I feel extremely stuck. With no dates, no additions  to my friend group, no clubs joined, and no sports played, I feel I have nothing to show for the past year. There seems to be a hole in my heart as if I lost more than I had gained.  

The second regret is that I have neglected writing for so long that I have a major writer's block problem. This isn't just not writing here on my blog but  writing in general (school papers do not count, unless they were really good, which they weren't, so they don't count). I feel I have lost my magic, not permanently-- I hope. But temporarily. I hope the five weeks I have here at my house, doing nothing (as my summer break) will give me the chance and opportunity to let me write as much as possible and get back on my feet, in the right direction.

I want to belong. I want to be looked up to. I want to be loved. I want people to be proud of me. I want to be proud of myself. I want to take control of the wreck I caused with my carelessness and become a better person tomorrow.