On My Mind: Confession Time

I don't know how many times you have to apologize for not writing often but I definitely couldn't count the times on my hands and feet, but I really do regret everyday that passes without me writing on my blog. I think about all the things that I could tell you guys (if anyone actually reads these) but in a strange sense I'm afraid of what I should write and I end up not writing anything. It's the troubling thing about being a perfectionist and a writer, you want only the best of your writing to be presented, it's a terrible flaw of mine. The time I have spent away from my blog, has helped me rediscover myself and the reasons why I started this blog in the first place.

In all honesty, because we're honest here, I haven't been writing very well lately because I have started to care more about what people would like me to write instead of writing stuff for myself. This brings me to believing I have realized yet another flaw I have (which can sometimes be good and sometimes really bad) which is that I have a great tendency to put everyone and their needs in front of mine until I forget I personally even exist. I work so hard to keep everyone else happy that when everyone is fine and I have time to see where I need improvement, I get stuck in a downward spiral. It's not fun, I know now that I need to practice balance and that everyone needs their "me" time. In relation to my blog, that is exactly what I have done to my writing. I have put other people's opinions about me before myself and I have built walls around me and that scares me.

I feel I'm gradually coming out of it but life is a constant process. We all have days that aren't so great, but if we are able to learn to always be happy and know that we are extremely blessed, even the worst days can't be ruined. A lesson I learned today. Many things went wrong this week, especially at work. There were days where I felt I completely failed. At everything. But I kept going, even when I wanted to run out crying, I stayed. I picked my broken pieces up and carried on and today I looked back at it all and realized I had smiled through all of it , and it made me glad. Life is a way of refining what we have been given because we are stronger than we seem, and smarter than we look.

..............................

A lot has happened since my last post. I moved back into my parents home in Alpine from Provo, I won't say too much about the sitution other than it was really rough on me and it made more sense to move back until I go back to BYU-I for my final semester before I leave on my mission. Which reminds me I am finishing my mission papers this weekend and the Stake President will send them in March 27th!! I was able to go skiing with one of my best friends, Adrianne (I had the opportunity to teach her how to ski, she did an amazing job!) and she leaves for the MTC on March 20th, serving in the Italy Milan mission-- SO PROUD! I sent off a birthday gift to my really good friend Nathan who is serving in Brazil. The project was really intense and my hand will basically be crippled for the rest of my life with how much handwriting and scissor use went into it but I am so excited for him to receive it on his birthday on March 25th. It's actually been really fun since I have moved back. I love my family, they are my best friends, my counselors, my protectors, my court jesters, and most importantly the greatest people I could be blessed to spend eternity with. I hope your week has been wonderful and your weekend even better. I'm off to sleep now with the intention of waking up on a Saturday morning at 5 to go running and then off to Rexburg for the day to show Shaelie a few apartments so she can choose where she is living next Fall :) 

P.s. She's all grown up *tear*, I'm so proud of her *sigh*, she a beauty and a champ *hooray*!