This is just the beginning!

Well, my blog devoted to all health and fitness has been officially deleted and with that comes a new chapter of Dreaming Fantasies. One that is a combination of everything in my life. One that will bring you the day to day activities of myself, as well as tips and tricks on health and fitness. It's about time things changed!!

I feel freer and I have my head on straight for once in my life. Although right now everything about my future is like a giant sea of opportunity and experience that is waiting for my arrival, I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing.

This is what is best.

In honor of the new and improved Alyssa and this merged collective blog,  I have decided to do a blog post for everyday in the month of September. I hope that everyone who reads my blog, whether by chance or by being related to me somehow, that you will take the time to read my posts for the next month. I am so excited about what is going on and what will be happening and I hope you enjoy the ride.

It will be like riding a Vespa with a side car, you will be right beside all the action that goes on in my life for a month!!

So please, stay tuned!!

Merging News & Top 14 Favorite Running Songs

Okay guys,

So some of you know that I have a fitness and health blog as well, but it has gotten so crazy that I haven't been able to manage that one and this one without neglect of one or the other and so far all the neglect has been on the health blog. My idea to solve this problem is to have a merger and combine this one and that one together!

In 2 days, on August 31st, I will be deleting my fitness blog and putting this one (my personal blog) and all things healthy together, and as a early gift to you, I am posting my Top 14 Favorite Running Songs!!

"Bucket", Carly Rae Jepsen

"LaserLight", Jessie J feat. David Guetta

"Save the World", Swedish House Mafia

"Somebody to Call My Own", We The Kings

"Bless Myself", Lucy Hale

"I Feel Like Dancin'", All Time Low

"Titanium", Sia feat. David Guetta

"Whistle", Flo Rida

"Time-Bomb", All Time Low

"Good Time", Owl City & Carly Rae Jepsen

"1901", Phoenix

"Hang with Me"

"Call Your Girlfriend", Robyn

"I Can Only Imagine",  David Guetta, Chris Brown, Lil Wayne

Memories, Memories...

I was cleaning out my files on my computer for this coming year in school and I came across a couple of pictures that were quite nostalgic and I thought I would share with you in the spirt of school starting!

This is my famous cat hat, during my first semester at BYU-Idaho, I got up in Rexburg because it had been raining like crazy and I had no hats so I had to buy one and I decided on a cartoon cat. I honestly love this hat so much, I am always excited when an opportunity comes along that lets me pull it out and put it on!!

This is a special picture I found that I had totally forgotten that I had even taken. This is my best friend Nathan. This was taken at my friend Eric's (you remember him from a later post don't you?) farewell bonfire and I had told Nathan that I loved his glasses and that he needed a picture of him with them on. But it was way too dark that the picture didn't work-- or so I thought! I tried to edit it and you actually can see him!!

(Alyssa, Aktar, Kendra, Nathan, Cree, Brittney)

This is at my friend Cree's house for his Mission Call Opening! He was called to the same mission as my friend Eric, and those two boys are BEST friends. We were all ecstatic and completely taken over with joy at the news! I'm so proud of Cree!

My family and I took a walk around this pond one evening and it was so calming and beautiful, I actually wrote a paper on this pond for one of my online English classes during my winter off-track semester. I adore this pond!!

This was a very momentous day. Our friend Tanner lived in Idaho and we met him on Heritage Tours. All us Utah'ns and one Colorado'n decided to surprise him with a visit to his farewell. He had no idea we were coming and when we got there and he saw all of us sitting in the third middle row he started crying he was so happy! AND you remember Nathan (mentioned above)? That day was also the first day he put his arm around me. Then.... 

A few days after Tanner's farewell, My colorado friend Isaac got his mission call!! So proud of my buds for going on missions! AND this was when me and Nathan snuggled for the first time. From that point forward we started dating, but never officially as boyfriend/girlfriend (I still haven't been kissed yet ;) don't worry) We dated from the end of February to the beginning of April when I left for my Spring semester at BYU-I and he left on his mission to Brazil.

Lastly, the sunsets I saw while I was living at home for the winter were gorgeous. I loved driving up the mountain and watching the sun go down and just think about life and what was waiting for me to discover in the future.

The Deep Abyss of Thoughts On Life

Being nineteen is a funny place to be. You seem to be placed in an empty room with no windows or doors because you are no longer a teenager but not quite an adult. I feel like a floater with no true harbor, and the passed few days I have looked back on my high school experience alone and I feel confused. 

As a fifteen or sixteen year old, you see college as so far in the future it’s too hard to see yourself there. Instead, you imagine and fantasize about going to the prom with Mr. Prince Charming and wanting to experience having him hold your hand for the first time and what your first kiss will be like. What it will feel like, to be loved and adored by the guy of your dreams.

But, I also saw a clear path for my future. I was going to graduate from a university with a B.A. in English and have my first book published a year after I graduated from school. I would be famous and everyone would read my novels and fall in love with my writing. I would marry a handsome man, and everyone would say that it could only have been fate that brought us together because we were a match made in heaven-- so cliched I know, I know-- but seriously.

Now, I’m not so sure where I see myself, or my future for that matter. At nineteen, I am lost. I wish to find myself, to find how my life influences this world. I don’t feel like the same person I was a year ago when I graduated from high school. Unfortunately, I don’t know what I feel. No one ever warns you about how this time in your life can be messy and confusing. Yes, there are some very fun times, but there is a much bigger part where you are struggling to define yourself in the eyes of everyone else on this planet. Who do I want to be? Is it possible that I could change fate, destiny, and ultimately my future and become the true Alyssa I was born to be? How do I know what I am doing is the best for myself?

There are many times when I feel so alone and distanced from everyone, like I am surrounded by bulletproof glass that I can see out but no one can see me. The “real world”--whatever that really means-- is difficult and you realize things that you wish you  didn’t have to realize as a “grown up.” You have to do things that you thought you’d never have to do, and you try your very best to do the things that won’t give your brain a seizure of regret every time you think of your past. But how does one go about changing what you have been for nineteen years?

9:06 and Funerals

Yesterday was an interesting day:

9:06am 

I turned nineteen, which means one step closer to jumping out of the "teen" years which is crazy pants to think I am even remotely close to being twenty next year, so, of course it's weird that I am even nineteen. But I am happy to be one year older and wiser too!

9:29am

I woke up to my whole family gone to the Alpine Days Parade and my Uncle Alan's family in my room. I slept on the couch with Shaelie, but she had left early to be in the parade for Lone Peak's Africa Club Float.

10:06am 

I walked into a church and searched for a room full of crying people. Yes, I went to a funeral. It was for one of my best friends, her brother had passed away and so with love and care I went and paid my respects to her and her family. I thought I wasn't even going to be able to enter the room without breaking down and choking up. She was so close with her baby brother that it was heartbreaking to me to see her so upset. I just wish I knew exactly the thing to say to help her feel better but it's so hard. I just hope with lots of TLC and time that her heart will mend and she will be happy again. My love, care, and prayers go out to her and her family.

11:45am 

I helped my mom with lunch. We made our famously delicious and nutritious chicken salad with onions, red grapes, and avocado. We put it on bagel slices as open faced sandwiches. They are so good!

12:37pm

My parents, my sisters Shaelie and Camile, and myself left our house to pick up my cousin Brittney to go up to Salt Lake for my grand present: WICKED!

1:22pm

We pull into a parking spot in the parking garage under Olive Garden in Downtown Salt Lake, right across the street from the Salt Lake Theatre.

2:00pm

Wicked begins! Have I mentioned that it is my third time seeing this glorious, beautiful play?? It is by far my favorite. I have now seen it in California, New York, and my home turf, Utah!

4:53pm

The play ends, we get on the freeway and head for Holladay, Salt lake, on Salt Lake's East bench for dinner at Layla Mediterranean Grill and Mezze, my Favorite restaurant (I have only been there twice)!

6:37pm

We pull into the parking lot of Fashion Place Mall to get some take out cheesecakes from the Cheesecake Factory for dessert. Luckily, that way, there were no singing waiters!

7:14pm

I run in to Smith's to buy some flowers to try to cheer my friend up. Seriously I feel so bad for her, I wish I could comprehend what she is feeling!

8:01pm

Shaelie, Camille, Brittney and I all go downstairs to watch Miss Congeniality to end the interesting but wonderful nineteenth Birthday celebration.

10:12pm

I took Brittney back home and ended up talking for a little while in my car outside her front door. It was so fun to have her join my family and I on our little outing.

Thank you everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes, you all helped make me a very happy girl on my birthday. I love you all and really appreciate everything you have done for me up to this point. You are my guiding stars and I don't know what I would do without each and every one of you! Hopefully I really am a bit wiser now, I know I don't feel that much older, but I am!

My Best Me Challenge

Hello lovelies!
I know, I know it's been a while! I really will start writing more frequently. I am going to start writing at least once a week (not that my life is uber exciting right now, but I will come up with something). Not to make excuses or anything but, life has been really crazy in the past year or so with going through my first year of college *yea!!!* and then trying to figure out what is next in life.
Lately, I have been doing a lot more thinking and reflecting. Growing up is.....scary. But, what more scary is not knowing if what you are doing is right. Sometimes I feel like I am always messing up, that I am taking one step forward and three steps back. To me, that is scary.

Right now I have been thinking a lot about my health, and how many times I have promised myself, as well as others, that I will be better, healthier. That I will take control of my life and everything will work just fine in the end. But I have finally realized that while I was promising those things, my whole heart wasn't in it because people, including myself, were expecting a fallout, a failure to succeed. I have had panic attacks lately that have started as a result of visions of me one hundred or more pounds heavier and feeling like I am destroying myself. I don't want to get to that point, I don't want to get where I can't get out, where I can't save myself from the destruction.

It's got me thinking and acting, for the first ever, that I want to truly prove to my family, my friends, my classmates, everyone, that I can do this. I realize that it is not easy, that it won't come over night but I am prepared for a life long goal of becoming the best me. In the next year or so, I plan on running my first 5k, 10k, halfMarathon, and fullMarathon. This time it's real and it's happening. I am excited and ready to go.

Hopefully through this process I will become the happiest, healthiest, smartest, greatest me that ever was. No more sad, mopey me. Right now, it's all about to change....

**Also, I spent last weekend up in Oregon for a family reunion, which was so fun and really nice to see everyone on my Mom's side of the family! It made me want to make a shout out to all my family and friends that read these, I am more than grateful to all of you for reading, it means the world to me that you take the time to look at my stuff. It gives me the fuzzies inside as well as wanting to keep this blog up!