Hello lovelies!
I know, I know it's been a while! I really will start writing more frequently. I am going to start writing at least once a week (not that my life is uber exciting right now, but I will come up with something). Not to make excuses or anything but, life has been really crazy in the past year or so with going through my first year of college *yea!!!* and then trying to figure out what is next in life.
Lately, I have been doing a lot more thinking and reflecting. Growing up is.....scary. But, what more scary is not knowing if what you are doing is right. Sometimes I feel like I am always messing up, that I am taking one step forward and three steps back. To me, that is scary.
Right now I have been thinking a lot about my health, and how many times I have promised myself, as well as others, that I will be better, healthier. That I will take control of my life and everything will work just fine in the end. But I have finally realized that while I was promising those things, my whole heart wasn't in it because people, including myself, were expecting a fallout, a failure to succeed. I have had panic attacks lately that have started as a result of visions of me one hundred or more pounds heavier and feeling like I am destroying myself. I don't want to get to that point, I don't want to get where I can't get out, where I can't save myself from the destruction.
It's got me thinking and acting, for the first ever, that I want to truly prove to my family, my friends, my classmates, everyone, that I can do this. I realize that it is not easy, that it won't come over night but I am prepared for a life long goal of becoming the best me. In the next year or so, I plan on running my first 5k, 10k, halfMarathon, and fullMarathon. This time it's real and it's happening. I am excited and ready to go.
Hopefully through this process I will become the happiest, healthiest, smartest, greatest me that ever was. No more sad, mopey me. Right now, it's all about to change....
**Also, I spent last weekend up in Oregon for a family reunion, which was so fun and really nice to see everyone on my Mom's side of the family! It made me want to make a shout out to all my family and friends that read these, I am more than grateful to all of you for reading, it means the world to me that you take the time to look at my stuff. It gives me the fuzzies inside as well as wanting to keep this blog up!
3 comments:
Awesome! Those are great goals! You can totally do it!
Saw your post on your food blog and so I'm following this one, now :) AND I also saw your class line up for the fall and it looks like a blast! You're taking several classes I wish I could go back and retake. I was too busy with my teaching classes to make room! So much fun! Chris Crowe probably still teaches YA lit. Wouldn't that be apropo to take a class from him?
Awesome goals Alyssa. Tell me what races you'll be doing and maybe (if you're interested) I would run them with you (that is if I could keep up)! :) I think your awesome. Keep up the good work!
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