My Life Plan

When you are young and naive, you believe everything and anything is possible. From becoming president to flying like a superhero. Me, I was a bit more practical. I have always wanted to be a writer. I remember stapling pieces of paper together and writing nonsense stories under my bed on these little handmade booklets and drawing pictures to go along with them. When I was older I dreamed of becoming the youngest person to have a book published and to be on the New York Times Best Seller's List. I thought I would travel around and see the world, and write about the world. I wanted to influence young people to like reading again. To show them that reading was fun and worth while. Obviously none of that has happened, yet.

Over the last year and a half I have been struggling to figure out what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Questions have come up and I have been so worried about if English really is for me. I have started doubting myself and my talents and wondering if, what I had my life plan to be made out to be, wasn't for me. I was scared and confused as to what all these negative feelings were about. How could I feel like this after 18 years of dreaming to become a writer? I was terrified that I didn't really know what I was doing. I keep coming to the thought of doing something health related, I have really come to love health and I am striving to become healthier and more fit (especially after I had a lipids test done and found out that I am at risk for cardiovascular complications) but I feel that it's not quite right.

I finally feel that maybe it was all in my head. That I had let doubt crowd in my mind and tell me that I wasn't fit to be a writer. Although I love health and nutrition and I want to help people become healthier, that becoming a nutritionist isn't me. Now, I am not saying that I am not qualified to go into Nutrition, I just feel that I would be more comfortable in English and continuing to love what I have always loved, which is writing.

Sure somedays my writing is horrid, repulsive and that no one should read it. Ever. Or if I have writer's block and can't write even a sentence because I simply can not come up with anything to write about. But, writing is where I feel most comfortable. It's something that takes courage and perseverance because like any other kind of artist, you leave yourself up to extreme vulnerability. That is why I love writing, I love that through the words I write on a page, you are getting to know everything about me, more personally than maybe you do even in person.

I think what has happened in the last year and a half is that I started feeling like I couldn't write because I wasn't writing, at all. My writing had stopped, it was used for essay's and papers for school that didn't lend itself to creative imagination and it became something like a job or prison. SOmething that didn't allow me to grow and build my talents in the way that I wanted them to. In the end, I ultimately shut down and felt like I didn't know how to write.

I feel like I have gotten my mojo back and I feel a lot more stable again. Sure I am not going to love every minute, because there are still going to be hard times but I need to realize that it isn't all always going to be super fun story time, but that for me writing is my security blanket, it's innately sewn into me and there is nothing that is going to separate me from the destiny of pen and paper. At the same time I ultimately still love health, and just because I found my niche again, doesn't mean I'm through nutrition and being a sort of nutritionist under the bus. I love that people are coming up to me and asking me so many questions about health and nutrition that I wouldn't give it up. I just feel that become my own personal nutritionist is going to be more of a hobby than a career choice.

Plus, if any of you out there want tips and tricks and advice, or whatever else on nutrition and exercise I would absolutely adore answering your questions because it is a huge passion of mine, just not one that I would do as a career necessarily. But, I love, love, love giving advice so please feel free to ask as many questions as you would like!!! (My roommates take me up on the offer 24/7 and I get so happy when they ask so please ask away, seriously.)

p.s. Sorry for the long post, but it's been awhile. Also, sorry I keep changing the way my blog looks, I have just really not been liking it lately.